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Divorce Out of the Blue??? What!!!

We All Need A Champion

It happens.

Seemingly "out of the blue," from nowhere, a spouse announces he or she wants a divorce.

Of course shock is usually the first reaction, even if things have been rocky for a while.

It is a draw whether anger or fear happens next.

Could be both, at once?

Could shift back and forth between anger and fear.

The question I get asked, at that point when someone calls and says I need some help right now, some counsel; I need to know about what happens and when.

And, how much does this cost?

My answer always, first, is: are there childrenVery fast after that I want to know if there is danger?  Has there been physical abuse, hitting, strangulation, guns pointed, big and serious matters like that.

This can be THE issue.  Safety.  Where do you go?  Do you call the police?  Do you get a "personal protection order (PPO)"?

Really is has to be about kids and safety first.  The surprise. The fear about what will the financial future look like?  How long will this take?  I want this over and fast.

That all comes in its order and is immediately less important than danger and how kids are doing, what they know, what is happening to them.

There is a lot of talk about not leaving the house if you want it to be yours after the divorce, as a part of the property settlement.  And there is truth in that advice.  But it still comes after safety, if there is ANY reason to be concerned about that.

It is plain true that one spouse can simply inform the other that they want a divorce.  Somehow that doesn't seem right or fair, does it.  But it is the law; it can happen, each spouse has that legal right, despite what it might do to the kids, the family, the family income and future.

And of course it is interesting if there are young children and the fact is likely to be that you are going to have to somehow get along with this person until those kids reach age of majority.

Particularly difficult if you find out money has been taken in advance.  Particularly difficult if there has been little money for Christmas gifts or anything and yet a bank account shows up later on.  The leaving party was planning this all the time.

Particularly difficult if you find out there is someone else in the picture, even has been for a fairly long time.  Do we worry about STDs too?

And still you might have to deal with this "person" for a lot of years because they may have parental rights (even if they might not seem to deserve them).

I try to get all this stuff out on the table in the first call.  It doesn't mean that we wouldn't talk about each detail many times during the process but I know from my own experience in life that these questions, the general outline, the picture, if you will -- needs to be grasped.  The procedure and the options and the timeframe and the likely outcome needs to be predicted to some general sense -- for this person on the phone with me usually first, prior to meeting.

And this goes both ways: men and women find themselves with these questions, regardless of who started the thing, if it is even possible to tell?

On my website I talk about "Transitions in Life."  And that is what this is.

A big one.

Very big.

Very difficult.

Very emotional from every perspective.

I try to be equal to the task, ready from experience (personal and professional).

Believe me, I really understand truly how shocking, shocking can be...

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David R. Bruegel, P.C.

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155 W. Maple St.
P.O. Box 316
Mason, MI 48854

Phone: 517-833-4196
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