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What if your child is getting divorced?

We All Need A Champion

There is all this casual talk about 50% of marriages ending in divorce.  I often think about the persons who never got married, but their partnership also ended in separation (what's the difference from divorce but for the legal rights to child support, spousal support, a division that is fair of assets and real and personal property, which, of course is no small thing).

But the point is that what number would that move the needle to? Eighty (80%) of attempts at living together failing?

Then there is the next step, what if this divorce is one of your children, divorcing or being divorced.  The two are different in the blood flowing from your child, as we would all understand.

Rejection.  Betrayal.  Financial disaster if the spouse leaving leaves your kid with nothing and, maybe worse, wounds and very lost time to develop skills, education, a means to support themselves and perhaps a child or children to support.

So as a parent, who are you going to call?

Somebody might think about a lawyer.  Somebody might think about a counselor.  Somebody might want both in the same package.  More than bedside manner, as they used to describe a medical doctor's ability or inability to comfort, encourage, give hope, help the wounded see a future, or not, is called for.

I tell people that, yes, there definately are BAD surprises in everyone's life.  AND, please don't forget or refuse to believe that also there are GOOD surprises.

It is almost every divorce, after I have heard the whole story, and I always am told that story, it really is necessary for the person to vent, release, tell it and it matters to me to hear it, in representing someone.

But my end point message is pretty much always the same -- that spouse of yours is going to look SO MUCH BETTER in the rear view mirror.

Parents can provide money to help get the child through the legal processes.  The parents or parent (we have to hope there are such person(s) in that kid's life, either that exist or will speak to them even) can provide the ear.

When I attempt to tell my kids things that have happened to me, I can watch them pull back, glaze, turn their head away, with the silent or spoken statement that they would prefer not to hear it.

At fourteen, I stopped talkiing to my daughter about me, anything about me.  I talked, instead about her.  Her stuff.  Did some listening.  Stopped the talking, to the extent someone like me is capable of stopping talking.  (People pay me money to talk, persuade, get them through my talking to where they want to be, which makes it harder for me to in fact stop talking to the kid.)

Shaking your head understatedly, like a movie actor understands the camera will pick up the slightest gesture.  Over acting on the movie screen looks like over actiing, or just bad acting.

I tell persons this about being in front of a Friend of the Court conciliator, or in front of a Judge.  Don't do anything big.  Under act.

And parents, please under act if your beloved child comes home and tells you the worst news you would almost ever want them to have to get out of their mouth.

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